I am a champion for change… when it comes to everybody else
When someone tells me about a desire they have, I immediately start “What If” Upping for them, and all my creative energy flows in the direction of their dreams. I will hold that space and I feel the power of their new desire with every cell in my body. When it comes to my own desire for change, I live in a very uncomfortable space – on the fence. It’s torture.
The Universe gets very mixed messages from me.
I know who I want to be, but I’m so afraid to let go of what is. Dr. Mark Vierra says that we often choose known hell over unknown heaven, and I can certainly attest to that.
I’ve been toying with the idea of a cross-country move for some time now (okay, let’s be honest – I’ve been doing this to myself for a whole year now). There are days when I’m all for it. I’m open to new experiences and small-town living. I see myself immersed in a new community, starting a new career, being fully creatively expressed, and having weekly games night with our close friends.
And then Sundays come along and I play softball with the teammates I’ve known and loved for the last 15 years. We have a great game. Our bats are on fire, we’re tearing it up on the field, we’re in sync, we’re laughing, giving each other high fives and cheering each other on, and we’re celebrating life with every play. I’m on top of the world.
And then I go home and cry.
How can I possibly leave this behind?
This same theme came up in my life many years ago, when I was offered the chance to play on a different team with one of my film and life heroes. What an honor, right? The only issue was that both teams played in the same league, on the same day, at the same time, so I couldn’t be in two places at once, as much as I tried. While some might have seen this as a great opportunity, I felt that my back was to the wall. How could I ever choose just one team? Either way, I would be letting people down, which is a feeling I wanted to avoid at all costs.
I clearly didn’t learn my lesson, because here it comes again, with a vengeance. I’m also getting lost in the process of trying to please everyone else.
A little rhyme came to me a few weeks ago, when I was spinning out of control. When I’m in fear, doubt and indecision, I’m not focused clearly on my vision.
I really have to get still and ask myself, where do I want to live on a daily basis – in fear, or from that highest place of surrender and potential joy?
What if transitions are about getting clear about what WE want?
What if we see how much we are truly loved, and what if we know that the people who care most about us want us to be happy and succeed, even if that means letting us go?
What if there are no mistakes in the Divine plan? Just for today, what if we offer this relationship, job, task, or phone call up to something greater than us, knowing that we will not be led astray?
What if being so focused on a particular outcome backs us into a corner?
What if we open ourselves to be who we truly came here to be, and what if we don’t need to know anything but the step that’s right in front of us?
What if we give thanks, in advance, for the most magnificent outcome to whatever is in our hearts?
If you need me, I’ll be in the land of dreams, desires, and possibilities. I am hereby giving up my permanent residence of living on the fence. I don’t want to be on the sidelines of life. I want to be on the field, fully engaged, a part of every play, and surrounded by loving, generous, amazing teammates.
My only question for you is, what do YOU want?
BY NATALIE SORIANO
Natalie has a passion for personal growth and development, spirituality, farmhouse makeover shows, crafts and Pinterest boards. Her biggest desire is to live life fully expressed. She loves being a part of the "What If" UP movement, and has her eye on a career in design. She currently lives in beautiful Valencia, CA with her loving, teddy bear of a husband.
To find out more, visit www.thejoyfulgenie.com.
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