“Peace does not mean an absence of conflicts; differences will always be there. Peace means solving these differences through peaceful means; through dialogue, education, knowledge; and through humane ways.” ~ Dali Lama
The Dali Lama is really onto something here…the reality that there will always be differences between people, because we all come from different perspectives is very true, and I, too, strongly believe that the bridge to a peaceful co-existence lies in our ability to respectfully communicate our feelings.
Communicating my personal feelings has been a challenge for me.
I was raised “to always keep the peace” and “to not rock the boat”, and the best one, “to obey and not question” because that’s what “good girls do”. These suffocating beliefs have had little, to no benefit whatsoever… and as obviously ill fated as they are, it was quite an undertaking to break free from these erroneous mental constructs.
Fear of confrontation, abandonment, disappointment and anger all presented a roadblock to my communication of personal desires, concerns and distresses. Silence was my preferred “modus operandi” and the emotional coin of inner peace was the price I paid. Thankfully, as I matured, the desire for peace of mind and authenticity surpassed these underlying fears.
While I was growing up, my family rarely talked about our feelings.
Talking about our emotions was basically “off limits” or just something we did not engage in. We would talk about things that needed to get done around the house, the high price of gas, what we were going to have for dinner…anything but feelings. The down-side of not being expressive, is that feelings become internalized and if they are not cleared up or understood, one’s inner state of joy, peace and passion can become compromised.
I‘m not blaming my parents here, because they did do the best they could; however, I’m aware of what the conditions were like while I was growing up and why I didn’t feel a sense of inner peace and certainty for such a long time.
What’s helped me the most in becoming truly peaceful within, is allowing myself to have my feelings without judgment.
I no longer try to suppress them. That’s the first step…and it is huge.
From there, I am on high alert – whenever I don’t feel good inside, I ask; is this discordant feeling coming from my own thoughts or feelings? And are these thoughts “true” in this instance?
This process forces me to stay present in the moment. When something happens, I can now experience it and realize that it is bringing up an old habitual thought or feeling that upsets me. I pause and, in that moment, take the first steps to healing and releasing that old thought. I really question the thought that I am believing. When I take the time to do this it brings me back to a state of peace.
I have also decided to speak my truth (heart) when I feel a calm assurance to do so.
I realize that communicating my feelings is just as important as my listening.
It’s like breathing, you can’t just inhale…there has to be the balance of the exhale too. This is how I began to love myself back to Wholeness and how I continue to experience the inner peace I had longed for.
Jean is a Professional Religious Science Practitioner, Reiki Master and Sound Healer. She grew up on Long Island, NY, and now lives in Los Angeles with her wonderful husband of 29 years, Alex, and has 2 amazing adult children, Matthew and Emily. Jean enjoys taking long walks, watching movies, and traveling. She is very grateful for her family, Willy the dog, friends and good coffee.
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